10-word review
EXTREME. MUCH ACTION, MUCH EXPLOSION, MUCH FIGHTING. FASTER AND FURIOUSER-ER.
The skinny
HOBBS (PLAYED BY DWAYNE 'THE ROCK' JOHNSON) AND SHAW (JASON 'SO HARD' STATHAM) TEAM UP TO RETRIEVE A VIRUS THAT'S INJECTED INTO HATTIE (VANESSA KIRBY) WHILE FENDING OFF BRIXTON (IDRIS ELBA).
Here be spoilers…
What we like
DO YOU LIKE ACTION, BRO? BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH ACTION THAT YOU'LL GROW HARD FOR. THESE ACTION SEQUENCES MAKE THE PREVIOUS INSTALMENTS OF THE FAST & FURIOUS FRANCHISE LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF OLD PEOPLE LINE-DANCING. (HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT BUUURNNN, PIONEER GENERATION? #OWNAGE)
THE ACTIONS ARE SO GNARLY THAT I SHAT MYSELF. THERE IS ONE SCENE WHERE HATTIE FIGHTS HOBBS. IT IS VERY EMPOWERING TO SEE A WOMAN KICK A MAN'S ASS (#FEMINISM). AND THERE IS ANOTHER SCENE WHERE HOBBS AND SHAW FOUGHT BRIXTON. THAT'S TWO VERSUS ONE. BUT BRIXTON IS ALSO PART ROBOT AND HIS COMPUTER BRAIN CALCULATES THE BEST WAY FOR HIM TO DOMINATE THE FIGHT. THEN THERE'S THIS ACTION SEQUENCE WHERE THE ROCK HAS TO GRAB ON TO A CHAIN THAT'S ATTACHED TO A HELICOPTER WHILE HE HOLDS ONTO A SPEEDING TOW TRUCK. I'VE SOILED MANY PANTS FOR THAT SCENE ALONE.
THERE IS ALSO BRO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN HOBBS AND SHAW. AT FIRST, THEY DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE EGO AND MEN ARE USUALLY TERRITORIAL BUT AFTER A WHILE, HOBBS AND SHAW BECOME BROS, AND THAT'S THE BEST KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. IT IS BRO-SOME TO SEE HOBBS AND SHAW EXCHANGE QUIPS, FISTS AND AFTER THAT COMPLIMENTS. I WAS LIKE, GET A ROOM… SO YOU CAN TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU BENCH AND BRO IT OUT.
THERE'S ALSO A SIDE OF HUMOUR TO GO WITH YOUR BUFFET OF ACTION AND TESTOSTERONE. WE MENTIONED HOBBS AND SHAW'S BROMANCE BUT THEY ARE ALSO… TOTAL OPPOSITES. BECAUSE OF THESE DUELLING PERSONALITIES, THEY CLASH AND THAT CREATES TENSION AND OFTEN COMEDIC MOMENTS. THERE IS THIS ONE SCENE WHERE SHAW ACCUSED HOBBS OF BEING A HORNDOG WITH HATTIE (WHO IS SHAW'S SISTER #SPOILERALERT). BUT HOBBS IS WOKE AND HE TELLS SHAW THAT HATTIE IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN, WHO IS ABLE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS AND IF THAT DECISION HAPPENS TO BE JUMPING HOBBS' BONES, SO BE IT (#THISISWHATAFEMINISTLOOKSLIKE).
What we didn't like
JUSTICE FOR HAN, BRAH. WHO CAN FORGET SHAW WASTING HAN IN FAST & FURIOUS 6? THEN TWO MOVIES LATER, SHAW IS A GOOD GUY? HAN WAS LIKE A COOL ASIAN BRO WHO DIDN'T HAVE TO GO OUT THE WAY HE DID. THERE WAS NOTHING THAT REALLY FORCES SHAW TO COME TO TERMS WITH KILLING HAN.
THEN SOMETIMES THE CAMEOS DON'T ADD ANYTHING TO THE MOVIE. THESE WALK-IN APPEARANCES ARE ONLY THERE AS FAN SERVICE, THE WORST KIND OF SERVICE SINCE THE LAST WAITER WHO TENDED TO ME. (NO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING A TIP.)
SOMETIMES A JOKE LASTS TOO LONG LIKE THE SCENE ON THE PLANE. IT'S TERRIBLE. IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOUR FOUR-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW DO A STAND-UP SET AT HIS SCHOOL RECITAL. BOO. GET OFF THE STAGE.
THE PLOT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE. THERE'S NO REASON THAT THEY WOULD END UP AT SAMOA FOR A STAND-OFF. IT'S AS THOUGH THAT THE WRITERS THOUGHT THAT THE ONLY WAY FOR HOBBS TO GET CLOSURE IS TO RETURN TO THE FAMILY HE LEFT BEHIND IN SAMOA IS TO HAVE A STAND-OFF THERE.
HOW DID HOBBS GET THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY? HOW CAN HOBBS AND SHAW SURVIVE DEADLY AMOUNT OF ELECTRICITY COURSING THROUGH THEIR TIGHT, STRONG BODIES? CAN A CAR MECHANIC REALLY FIX UP A HIGH-TECH MACHINE?
THEN AGAIN, THERE ARE A LOT OF PLOT HOLES LIKE THE DIFFERENCE IN AGE BETWEEN SHAW AND HATTIE IS SUPPOSEDLY TWO YEARS BUT STATHAM LOOKS HELLA A LOT MORE OLDER THAN KIRBY.
BUT THE BIGGER THE HOLES, THE MORE YOU CAN FILL IT IN WITH THE ACTION. BOO-YAH. SO, WIN-WIN.
What to look out for
I WATCHED HOBBS & SHAW THREE TIMES SO I CAN CAPTURE THE NUANCES OF THE MOVIE. THERE ARE SUBTLETIES LIKE THE APPEARANCE OF RYAN REYNOLDS, WHO PROBABLY OWE DIRECTOR, DAVID LEITCH (WHO ALSO DIRECTED DEADPOOL 2) A FAVOUR OR SOMETHING.
REYNOLDS PLAYS A CIA AGENT NAMED LOCKE, WHO USED TO BE THE PARTNER OF HOBBS. IF YOU READ PHILOSOPHY BOOKS IN-BETWEEN REPS, YOU'D KNOW THAT THESE NAMES ALLUDE TO ACTUAL POLITICAL PHILOSOPHERS, JOHN LOCKE AND THOMAS HOBBES, WHO CONTRIBUTED MUCH TO THE MODERN POLITICAL SCIENCE LANDSCAPE.
ALSO, STAY FOR THE CREDITS. THEY DON'T REALLY HINT AT THE SEQUEL BUT THEY ARE STILL HELLA ENJOYABLE.
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw is out in theatres.
