What is it with rich men and their space race we'd never know, but what we do know is leaving earth is apparently what you do when you have a sh-t ton of money to burn. Like a billionaire rite of passage following Virgin Group founder Sir Richard Branson's recent space flight, Amazon ex-CEO/executive chairman Jeff Bezos shuttled off the same destination with his self-financed aerospace company Blue Origin.
The A-team
The richest man in the world was accompanied by his brother Mark, 82 year old pilot and astronaut Wally Funk (the current oldest person to fly to space), and 18 year old student Oliver Daemen (the current youngest person to fly to space and first paying customer. If you're wondering how he could foot the bill like we were, ask his dad, Dutch businessman and investor Joes Daemen).
A strange A-team to assemble no less, though Wally Funk caught the most media attention for her aviation history including being originally slated for an all-woman space mission back in 1961 that was eventually scrapped because the US Government said "women suck" (paraphrased).
Cue the memes
Facts aside, the billionaire jabs only peaked with the unveiling of space rocket New Shepard (after Alan Shepard) and the less than impressive duration of the journey. You can't just present the world a phallic shaped vehicle and expect Twitter to remain silent. Jokes also brought in ex-wife Mackenzie Scott, and billionaire rival/fellow space aficionado Elon Musk.
Whether this truly heralds the era of space tourism (seeing that the flight was only sub-orbital i.e. touching the edge of space just above the Karman line, as opposed to a full orbit outside earth's atmosphere oh the mansplaining), all we know is that the memes made it all worth it.
this Fantastic Four reboot sucks https://t.co/Th80pm8501
— Matthew Perpetua (@perpetua) July 20, 2021
THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY
Has anyone already made a joke about how #JeffBezos rocket looks like Dr. Evil's rocket? Hell for that matter… pic.twitter.com/uLCl5jLz8O
— Caleb English (@TheEnglishman84) July 20, 2021
GOTTA SAY IT RIGHT
In general, good journalistic practice is to be clinical and wordy.
INCORRECT: “Jeff Bezos took off in a dong-rocket.”
CORRECT: “…rocket that was much like a piece of male genitalia in appearance, and to be specific, not the testicles; we’re talking about the penis here.”
— Danielle Kurtzleben (@titonka) July 20, 2021
THESE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES
Lord Bezos and his rock hard rocket. pic.twitter.com/E0Yz4tfjxi
— memes (@MemesCentraI) July 21, 2021
A BETTER EXPLANATION
There are sometimes signs that people working for a rich/powerful person have utter contempt for their boss. The dong rocket is one of those signs.
— thelaundry (@thelaundrykcstl) July 20, 2021
ALL ABOUT THE SMALL WINS
For the next 11 minutes, Elon Musk is the richest man on Earth
— Robert Smith NPR (@radiosmith) July 20, 2021
ONLY BILLIONAIRE NERDS GET IT
Haha
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 17, 2021
STEP IT UP ZUCKERBERG
BEZOS: I’m going to space.
BRANSON: I’m going to space.
MUSK: I’m going to space.
ZUCKERBERG:pic.twitter.com/kSBxEGXQBr— Jon Horowitz (@WitzPickz) July 5, 2021
OOF
wake me up when Bezos spends as much time in space as a dog pic.twitter.com/ebmptQUK42
— Alex Shephard (@alex_shephard) July 20, 2021
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Jeff Bezos was in space for 5 minutes—or as its known at the Amazon warehouse, your allotted break time for a 16-hour day
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) July 20, 2021
SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT
Well Jeff Bezos flight was over pretty quick.
Ex-wife: The things I could tell you.
— _JustMarie (@mooseandriosmom) July 20, 2021
A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THOSE AT THE BACK
Mackenzie Scott donating her money to HBCUs while her ex cosplays being an astronaut definitively proves that girls go to college to get more knowledge and boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. pic.twitter.com/seuMyjOk54
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 19, 2021
PURE COINCIDENCE
I’m super busy today writing a country song about how my wife left me so I’m running away from my taxes in a dick shaped rocket.
— Kellywise the Clown? (@KellywiseClown) July 20, 2021
HOW MANY OF US COULD
On this monumental day of Jeff Bezos going to space, I’d like to offer a hearty congratulations to his ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott, who’s realizing the dream of every woman who’s ever wished her ex would fall off the face of the planet; you’re living the dream, girl.
— Jess the Prequel ?Cougar on the Prowl ?? (@JessthePrequel) July 20, 2021
TBH SO WOULD WE
Jeff Bezos better than me, cause I’d flex like this everyday pic.twitter.com/8T9pZQfBOA
— Mexican ? ?? (@MexicanCornn) July 21, 2021
RIGHT IN THE POVERTY
Jeff Bezos has now gone to space more times than Amazon has paid taxes
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) July 20, 2021
DON'T MIND US BEING ALL POOR AND BITTER
“I want to thank every Amazon employee, and every Amazon customer, because you guys paid for all this.” – Jeff Bezos pic.twitter.com/nTYcGiJ803
— Dr. Elle (@hartman_gabby) July 21, 2021
YEAH NO DON'T MIND US AT ALL
Man, I wish these billionaires felt this competitive about how many people they could help. "Branson determined to beat Bezos by increasing worker benefits 15%. Bezos counters with 25%!"
But no… space races.
— (((Susan))) (@GoldaLeahBatZvi) July 2, 2021
